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Guest Blog: What Everyone Should Tell Their Kids About Hooking-Up

2/8/2012

4 Comments

 
My ebook version of "You Can Have a Happy Family" is FREE to download Today and Thursday (2/8-2/9) on Amazon to celebrate National Marriage Week.

To also celebrate National Marriage Week, I'll be featuring messages on marriage and family this week. Today's message is by Dr. Ann, author of the popular blog: The Marriage Checklist - Dr. Ann's guide to growing a great marriage

I have been following her blog for a few months now. Ann has a wonderful heart for the Lord and her family. Her messages are both heartfelt and relevant to what families are experiencing today. If this message blesses you, be sure to leave Ann an encouraging comment below.



_What Everyone Should Tell Their Kids About Hooking-Up


_Does the hook-up culture surprise you?

It doesn’t surprise me.

As a culture, we prize independence and choice.  This trend applies to everything: from how we decide what stuff to buy, to how we approach our relationships.

Case in point: one of the biggest trends in marriage today is, well, marriage not.  

The University of Virginia’s National Marriage Project, has identified a growing group of “non-married adults cohabiting.” (The old term: shacking up.)  Many don’t feel that the benefits of marriage are worth the price of commitment.

This trickles down into the young adult world, and feeds the hook-up culture.

Here’s what I think we should tell our kids about it:

God’s design for marriage isn’t about you getting what you want. It’s about giving. Committed and full life giving to one other person: emotionally, physically, fiscally, legally, socially. A whole bunch of -ally’s.

Through giving, we grow. We are changed. That’s the plan God has for our hearts.

There is really no other relationship like marriage.

It’s not an easy plan, though, and I can understand trying to get around it. There are many ways to do so. And hooking-up is one of them.

In hooking-up, sex gets separated from full life commitment. This unbundles the design that God created for sex. Hooking-up really shouts: “What can I get out of you without having to completely give to you?”

Our kids need us to help them stop and pause over that one: “Is that what makes a good friend?  A good spouse?”

There are lots of resources out there for how to introduce the topic of sex to kids of various ages. But this is a different and equally crucial conversation.

This conversation is about the Godly intertwining of love, sex, and commitment.

It should match what your kids can understand. Start low and go slow, is the old dictum in medicine.

But start! Now is better than never.

Start the conversation.

Question: Do you talk to your kids about the meaning of sex in love and marriage? About the hook up culture?  What do you say?



_
Dr. Ann is a Christian M.D., wife to a fantastic husband, and mom to a lively gang of three. At The Marriage Checklist Ann blogs about marriage, motherhood, and more! She helps women build better life balance and grow great marriages. Ann will soon be a Crosswalk.com blogger, and has been featured on BlogHer, Fox news, and Good Morning America. She loves that every day we can choose to take our best steps forward – for God, for the people in our lives, and for ourselves. Are you ready then? Let’s go!

You can read more from Dr. Ann at TheMarriageChecklist.com, on Facebook, or on Twitter.

For the easiest way to get her latest posts, sign-up here and get them sent directly to your mailbox.


4 Comments
Kerry Johnson link
2/9/2012 01:43:20 am

Hi Amanda and Ann,

Thank you for sharing this relevant post! I've been praying about this very topic for our boys for most of their (short:) lives. Because they're still young, we haven't officially begun the sex/marriage conversation (we have 2 boys; Cole is 7 and Chase is 5). My mother-in-law and sister-in-law say I'm lucky not to have girls because it's mostly Trevor (my hubby's) job to talk to them about sex, but I don't really agree. I think it should be a parenting effort, both in our words and in our daily actions (modeling respect, appropriate affection and love within a marriage).
So far, neither boy has brought up the topic of sex, and we are very careful/picky about what they see on TV and movies.
Ann, do you have recommended ages/time frame for talking with boys in particular about sex/marriage?
Thanks so much. This is such an important topic to tackle with our kids, one that affects their entire lives.
God Bless,
Kerry

Reply
Amanda Beth link
2/9/2012 05:33:47 am

Thanks for your comment, Kerry! I am looking forward to Ann's reply, because I wonder the same thing. My daughter is 11 and she has never mentioned or asked anything about sex. I'm not sure when the right is to talk about it and what to even say. I heard there are good books to get for the right age level. I just don't know which ones are the best to get.
Thanks again for your comment. Blessings:)

Reply
Dr. Ann link
2/10/2012 03:12:31 am

Hi Kerry,

Thanks for your thoughtful question! I agree with your point about both parents talking with both boys and girls. I think you can start talking with your kids about sex and love as young as 2 or 3 - it's just got to match what they can understand! I've found Dr. Laura Berman's guide to be helpful. She does not have a Christian perspective though, so I would modify her guide according to what we know are God's plans for sex and marriage to be exclusively linked.

Here is the link: http://www.oprah.com/relationships/Download-Dr-Laura-Bermans-Talking-to-Kids-About-Sex-Handbook

I hope this is helpful!
Blessings,
Ann

Reply
Kerry Johnson
2/10/2012 10:05:00 am

Thank you ! I'll check out the link. Appreciate your help! :)




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    Amanda Beth

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    Thanks for stopping by my site! Welcome to my "Enjoying Your Family" blog!

    I'm a wife of 16 years, mother of four children (ages 3 to 11), and author of "YOU CAN HAVE A HAPPY FAMILY - Steps to Enjoying Your Marriage and Children"
                  and
    "THE LOVE WALK: A 15-Week Devotional on 1 Corinthians 13:4-8"

    I also author another blog on spiritual growth every Monday at SharingTruths.com, and I am a weekly guest contributor every Sunday at Christian Blessings.

    God has blessed me, my marriage and my family in more ways than I could ever imagine. I am so honored to give my life to Christ and share His Word wherever God sends me.

    "Blessed is the man who fears the LORD, who finds great delight in his commands. His children will be mighty in the land; the generation of the upright will be blessed."
    Psalm 112:1-2


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